Friday, June 29, 2018
MICHAEL MOORE KILLED BY A CHICKEN BONE
MICHAEL MOORE DEAD AT AGE 64
(CNBS) Author, writer, activist, actor and filmmaker Michael Moore was discovered dead this morning after being reported missing by Tony Perkins, the director of his latest anti-Trump movie, “Does Trump suck, or is it just me?” in which the portly actor wanders naked through the streets of working class Flint, Michigan with a lantern late at night searching for the one Democrat who did not vote for Trump in 2016.
“Michael wrote the script,” said Director Tony Perkin while drying his eyes, “This movie would have been his best, as it was inspired by the ancient Greek philosopher Diogenes who wandered naked through the streets of Sinop with a lantern late at night looking for the one honest man in the country. I tell you this movie was DEEP – although some people would be put off by Moore’s nakedness – He weighted over 400 pounds and we had to rebuild the sound stage, because he broke through the floor on the first of filming.”
According to the Flint, Michigan authorities, Moore was found dead after Perkins filed a missing persons report, when the portly actor did not appear at the Hollywood Studio to the film the conclusion of what Perkins thought would be an Academy Ward winner of a Blockbuster movie. “We figured a profit of at least 1.1 billion dollars in overseas box office alone, as Moore was very popular in Russia.”
The Michigan authorities refused to relate the cause of Moore's death, other to say it was a “household accident that could happen to anyone,” however, a crime scene technician – who asked that his name be kept confidential – told this reporter that Moore had choked to death on a chicken bone about a week before his body was discovered and died alone on the kitchen floor of his $5.2 million dollar mansion on Michigan’s Torch Lake.
“Where was the staff?” This reporter asked. The technician responded, “Apparently the day before Moore fired his mansion staff because he found out they had all voted for Trump in 2016 and they were all Democrats! He considered it an act of treason and drove them all out. Among those fired was the cook, so he had to drive to the nearest Colonel Sanders and ordered three whole fried chickens. Moore had no problem eating the first two birds, but the third was a chicken too far and he choked to death on the drumstick.”
The Moore funeral will be held this Sunday at All Saints Catholic Church in downtown Flint. The wake is scheduled at O’Reilly’s Bar & Grill near the church – a favorite hangout for Moore – and fried chicken catered by Colonel Sanders will be served along with green Irish beer.